I have not written in few days. Life has been so crazy since I got out of the hospital. First lets start with a Brooklyn update. She is 11 days old today and 30 weeks and 4 days gestational age. In the last couple of day Brook has finally started to gain weight. Last night she weighed 2 lbs and 14 ounces. She is taking 24 ml every 3 hours. We are also fortifying my milk. This adds 4 calories per feeding. I am amazed at what 4 calories extra can do for her little body. I feel like I can take in more than four calories from just smelling a piece of pie. We have been restricted to holding her two times a day. I look forward to these two feelings each day. Brooklyn is still on oxygen and probably will be for quite a while. She has had all her IVs removed. All offer nutrients is coming from milk, which she takes through a feeding tube. Her feeding tube is a tiny tube that is inverted thought her mouth and goes all the way to her stomach. Brook is becoming more alert and opening her eyes more. She is starting to respond to the schedule she is on. She is doing the best she can do for being so small. I give God all the credit!


Going back and forth between home and the hospital every three hours has been crazy. Any of you moms that have had NICU babies have any advise for me? Did you go for every feeding? I feel like I need to be there for her so she knows she is loved. It is hard to be at the hospital every 3 hours and still make sure Colten's needs are met. My 2 1/2 year old son is starving for affection right now. It just kills me. When I am home he just clings to me and when I leave he cries. I don't know how to be both their mommies right now. There is just not enough time in the day. I am staying home for the midnight and 3:00 am feelings. Between all the back and forth and pumping every 3 hours life is just crazy!!!

We have had amazing support and help from friends and family so far. My mom has been living with us for about a month. She has been AMAZING! I am sad to say that she is going home today. It is time for her to return to her life. She will be missed, but I know she will be back soon. I have to say, there were some tears shed when we said our goodbye this morning. We have also had several friends   bring us meals. It is been so helpful not to have to worry about what was for dinner. Thank you so much SheaBristo for setting up the meal train. We are so blessed to have so much help and support!

We are just going to continue to pray that Brook stays strong!

Brooklyn Grace Lair

Most of you already know, but Brooklyn Grace was born Monday, December 16^th at 2:20 am. She weighed 3 pounds 2 ounces and was 15 ½ inches long. Here is her magical birth story…

On Thursday (December 12^th) I started bleeding quite a bit. This was a scary moment for us. We rushed in to do an ultrasound and all looked good. The bleeding stopped after about an hour. The doctor was in fear that the placenta was detaching. If this happens we would have to get the baby out quickly. Well everything leveled off and there was no sign of blood or distress on the baby. We were just waiting for me to start bleeding any minute.

 After three days of constant watching and waiting I sent Austin home. He and my mom had not left my side for days. We were all in fear something would happen and I would be by myself. Sunday night about 11:00 PM I decided to go to the bathroom one last time in hopes that I would not be up all night. You know when you are drinking over a gallon of water each day; you are up all night going to the bathroom. Well I started bleeding. I called my nurse and Austin was the second call. My mom, who has pretty much moved in with us stayed at home with Colten while Austin came to the hospital. Within a few minutes there was a lot of blood. We put me on the monitor to check Brook. We decided to wait a few minutes to determine how much blood I was losing. After a few minutes, I stood up and blood poured out on the floor. I knew at this moment that Brook was coming soon. The nurse called my doctor and started prepping me for surgery. Dr. Hook was at the hospital waiting on me in a matter of minutes.

Once I was wheeled up the labor and delivery I was scooted to the surgery table. The anesthesiologist worked quickly to start my spinal anesthesia. He had a hard time getting it started.  At this point I was scared and worried. I was about to have a 29 week baby. I knew it was God’s plan, but could still not see how it was going to be positive. I began to shake and cry due to the fear and the pain of the needle in my back. I can honestly say that the needle was the most pain I have ever experienced in my life. The whole right side of my body was in lots of pain from the waist down. The doctor was a little put out with me because I could not stop shaking and he couldn’t do his job if I was moving. Doctor Hook (my OB) stepped in and stood in front of me. She wrapped her arms around me and took control of the situation. She held me and let me sob on her shoulder. I could not have made it through this part without her comfort. After the spinal got in I quickly went numb and the doctors got to work on getting that baby out. We had a whole team of NICU doctors and nurses ready to help Brook in any way she needs.

 

Austin was there by my side the whole time. His has been such amazing support. When Brook came out she let out the most precious little squeal. Everyone that has had a baby knows how that first noise touches your heart. Since she is so small, it was not a loud cry, but it was enough to bring tears to my eyes. The NICU staff worked quickly on Brook, while the labor and delivery team worked on me. After a few minutes it was time for Brook to make her way to NICU. Austin went with her while the doctors finished up on me. I had my own personal labor and delivery nurse that was sure to make sure that I was ok. Mandy Rigler was amazing. Once Austin left, Mandy stood by my side and held my hand. She stayed with me during recovery and reassured me that Brook was ok.

 

 

Soon Austin came back from NICU and found me in recovery. I could see in his face that he was so in love with that little girl. She has stolen his heart from the first minute. After I was done in recovery I went back to my room. Mandy was sure to take me by NICU for a few minutes to take a peek at that beautiful baby girl. By the time I got back to my room it was about 5:30 am. Austin and I were both exhausted but full of adrenaline.

Brooklyn is working hard to fight an uphill battle in NICU. We praise God for the progress she has made. We are expecting her to be in NICU for about 10 weeks. We take every day one at a time. We will have good days and bad days, but I can now see this amazing plan that God has for us. Right now Brook is working on keeping her heart rate up, keeping her oxygen level up, gaining weight, and regulating her body temperature. She has gone back and forth on and off oxygen. Brook is so young that she does not remember to breath. When she does not breathe, her heart rate and oxygen level drops. These are normal challenges that she will face as she matures.

 

 

 

 

For the past few weeks I have struggled with understanding why this nightmare was happening to us and how it could be God’s plan. I have had, and am still having to have faith in God on a whole new level. What I have learned so far is that once you really give God control he will take it and show you the good.

 

 

Brook has now been alive for 3 full days. I am leaving the hospital today. I am so excited to be with my family again, but I am just not sure I am going to be able to leave that precious girl here. I have been full of tears today. How and I supposed to leave such a big part of me here. I know that she has an amazing team of people closely monitoring her. I just can’t help but feel like I am abandoning her. There will be such a plus to being home. I can once again be a mommy and a wife. Having those roles taken from me for a few weeks has been really hard. I am so excited to give Colten night night kisses tonight and sleep in my own bed! Thank you to all the people who have supported us and continue to support us. As we make this next transition on our journey I know it will be tough, but we can do it!

 

The End Is Near

Well, after talking to the doctor this morning we think the end is near. I am showing signs of uterine irritability. This just means that the end is nearing. We do not know when. Brook could come tomorrow or in two weeks. Brook looks awesome on the fetal monitor. We are consistently having nurses and doctors tell us she looks so much older on the monitor. This is good. I just want her to stay in as long as possible. We are scared about having such a small baby. We are working hard to stay positive and trust God! All you prayer warriors need to pray for 10 more days. This would put us at 30 weeks. That is another big developmental miles stone.

Good News and More Chocolate

God is good!!!  We got good news and more chocolate candy today!!! Today is a good day! We finally got another ultrasound today. There was some confusion on how many a week I was supposed to be getting and when. Anyways, we got one this morning. I leaked lots of fluid all night so I was very anxious about where my level would be today. My fluid went up to a 6. This is awesome news. And in the past 2 weeks baby Brook has gained 12 ounces. She is now weighing in at 2.13. This is still so small, but it means by the end of the week she will probably weight over 3 pounds.  I just love seeing her on the ultrasound.  She is already such a strong women and a prayer. At the ultrasounds her hands are almost always clasped in front of her face like she is praying. I know this little girl is going to be such a fighter. All the nurses are telling us that she monitors like a 32 week baby not a 28 week baby. Her heart is so strong.

This morning I got a devotional from a friend. It was exactly what I needed to hear. It was about how I need to trust God in my thought and private time. I need to stop trying to plan this out. If you know me well, then you know not planning is an issue. I like to be prepared. But after reading this message I have realized that it does matter how much I plan… It is not going to work out that way. To truly trust God, is to stop making my own plan. So, I decided before my ultrasound that even if my fluid was at a 1 I was going to be ok with it because God is in control, not me. And we got amazing news that I give God the credit for.

My family is holding up so good. Colten is getting over an ear infection. He has been so much happier the last couple of days. Even though I don’t get to see him much or tuck him in each night, I do treasure the time I get with him. The best part of my day is when I get to sit in the floor and play toys. We are really working hard to have about an hour of just family time each night. I joke that all I do is eat chocolate candy and watch movies. But it is not a joke… that is really all I do. A wise friend once told me that bacon and Jesus make everything better; I think I am officially adding chocolate to that list.

I cannot believe we have been in the hospital two weeks. It has really gone by pretty fast. There has not been much change. I am continuing to leak fluid. We are monitoring the baby two times a day. Baby Brook is looking good. We are still just taking it a day at a time. I should get another ultrasound tomorrow to check the fluid level and Brook’s development. We are so grateful that God has allowed us to make it to the 28 week mark. We are told that 28 weeks is a milestone for neurological development. Our next goal will be 30 weeks. That will be a mile stone for lung development. We are just so thankful for each day that God allows her to stay in and stay healthy. We just keep telling ourselves that every day in, is two less in NICU. We have the most amazing doctors and nursing staff taking care of us. Dr. Hook is truly god sent.

We are trying to have lots of family time. This is hard in this little room. I am allowed 2 short wheel chair rides each day. Colten likes to ride on my lap to go see the fish tank in the waiting room or the babies in the regular nursery. We have been trying to explain to Colten that his baby will be sick when she comes. Since you have to be 14 to go into NICU Colten will not get to meet Brook until we bring her home. There are no windows into NICU. We have been taking Colten to the door of NICU and talking about what will happen when Brook comes. I am pretty sure he has no idea what we are talking about. I think this hospital stay has taken the biggest toll on Colten. He is trying so hard. Last night Austin brought me a bag with some more clothes. When I opened the bag there was a pair of Colten’s PJs on top. Colten had packed them himself so he could stay with Mommy. This sweet boy melts my heart! I hate being away from him so much. I truly treasure times with my husband and son more than I ever have. I look forward to our family dinners each night. Spending time with these two guys is the highlight of my day.

Thank you so much to all the friends and family that are continuing to reach out to us. I have never seen so many prayer warriors in my life.  The prayer is working; so keep it coming!

Fluid Update

Well today is the start of our second week. I had an ultrasound today. My fluid has dropped from a 13 to a 4. This is not good news. That means we need to watch Baby Brooklyn more closely. When the fluid gets low the baby has less room to move and breath. This can delay her development. 4 is still a safe number. They are not ready to rush in and get her. We could actually see the tear in the sack on the ultrasound. I have to say I was not expecting the number to be that low. I am doing all I can to keep her safe. I did get a wheel chair today! This is big news. Who would have thought the highlight of my day would be a 15 minute wheel chair ride. I am now allowed to leave the room 2 times a day for about 15 minutes. Still no walking allowed. If this little girl only knew how hard we are fighting for her. She just needs to stay put. The doctor that did the ultrasound seems to think I will be lucky if I make it to 30 weeks. It is crazy that 30 weeks is still over 2 months early. Such a scary thought.  Everything else is good. We appreciate the prayers and encouragement everyone is giving us. It makes it so much easier. I am still trusting in God. I have been telling myself all day that Gods plan is not my plan so I need to stop making plans.

Week One

 

Well we are one week in. I cannot believe I have now been in the hospital for 7 days. Seems crazy. It has gone by fast. I am new to this blogging thing, but I wanted to document this journey that God is sending us on. I guess I should start from the beginning. Last Sunday, November 24, 2014 at about 12:30 in the morning my water broke. I am only 26 weeks pregnant. We had been out of town for the weekend. The house was a mess, there was no clean laundry, and we were low on groceries. This is the moment we really had to realize the terms “Gods plan… Not ours”. Anyway, my water broke, I kind of thought maybe it was pee. Let’s face it you get to a point when bladder control is not the same any more. But then when it happened again about 2 hours later I knew something was wrong. I called my doctor and she sent us to the hospital. Did I mention that there was an ice storm outside? We called my mother in law and she rushed to our house to stay with our two year old. My husband and I set out for the labor and delivery not knowing what was in store. When we got therethree tests were run. The first two indicated that it was not amniotic fluid. The third test indicated that I had ruptured and was leaking. Within minutes I was given shots and an IV. Then I was rushed to the antepartum floor. I was told I would have to stay until the baby was born. My husband and I were so scared. We didn’t know if Baby Brooklyn was coming tonight or in 14 weeks when I was do. The next day I had an ultrasound that confirmed that I was ruptured and leaking. The good news was that my fluid was at a 13. This was awesome news. So the doctor said next we just wait. I am bound to this room, mainly my bed. I can only get up to use the bathroom. I have now been in this bed for a week. Yay… we made it to 27 week. Is this what prison feels like? Being here is so bitter sweet. I know that I have to put this baby first and take care of myself, but my heart is with my family. I miss so much about being home! I miss night night kisses from my son. I miss snuggling in bed with my husband. I miss hot baths. I miss fresh food. I have the most amazing group of friend and family that support me every step of the way. It is just hard to be a mom and a wife, then all of a sudden have that taken away. The longer I stay in here, the healthier Baby Brooklyn will be. We are just taking it one day at a time. The NICU doctor came in to talk about the risk of a early baby. My goal is to keep her in until 32 weeks. That means 5 more weeks in this bed. At that point the possibility of neurological damage goes now lots. Our goal is to have a healthy baby when she comes out. Being away has taken quiet the toll on my family. My husband, Austin, has really had to step it up and take on a lot. My mom has come to stay with us. Without even thinking twice she packed up and moved in. My 2 year old son is struggling the most and it kills me. He keeps asking if I live at the hospital now. He has regressed with potty training and his behavior is out of control. Bed time routines are out the window. We are at a loss with what to do for him. He is such an amazing kid, it so hard to see him struggle. I know this is how he is dealing with the stress. I just want to make it better. But for now we try to find the good in everything and trust in god. I know God has a plan! I trust in God! I may not see it, but there will be good in this!